ETERNAL HOPE

Last night marked the 80th anniversary of the Warsaw Ghetto uprising commemorated with televised ceremonies at Yad Vashem in Israel.

Today is Yom Hashoah, Holocaust and Heroes Remembrance Day.

Tomorrow a ceremony at the US Capitol will be televised at 10:30 am to remember the victims of the Holocaust, honor the survivors, and pay tribute to the rescuers and liberators.

Next week the only recognized democracy in the Middle East will commemorate its memorial day, followed by the celebration of the 75th birthday of the modern state of Israel.

At the Day of Remembrance ceremony in Washington, DC in 2001 Elie Wiesel shared “…We tell these stories because perhaps we know that not to listen, not to want to know will lead to indifference. Indifference is never an answer. Whoever hates, hates everybody. Whoever kills, kills more than his victims…”

May you and I be inspired to confront and speak out against any forms of antisemitism, hate, prejudice and genocide.

-Harriet

SPRING AWAKENING

Premiering on Broadway in 2006, “Spring Awakening” was a coming of age rock-musical based on an original 1891 German play. It addressed the many changes teenagers face when growing up. The show’s huge success has been acknowledged by a long list of awards garnered.

Coming of age today is more complex. According to the March 23rd WSJ Opinion article by Suzy Welch, Generation Z “yearns for stability”, even assessing that it’s a “sexy” hope. Her concluding paragraph is a message for not only the young but for everyone at any age.

“…all you can really hope for is good health and a meaningful life. Our health is often out of our hands, but making meaning of the change around us - making it about something greater and better than simply change itself is something we can all endeavor to do, perhaps now more than ever.

Let’s make that the new normal together.”

-Harriet

THE DASH

“The Dash”, a poem by Linda Ellis begins,

“I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth and now only those who loved her know what that little line meant.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.”

The poem continues with suggestions of how you can “be proud of the things they say and how you spent your dash.”

I encourage you to read the entire poem (Google it) as a gift of LOVE to yourself.

-Harriet

PIANO PERFORMANCE or PERSONAL PLEASURE?

“New Year’s Celebration Piano Clearance” was the title of an ad that appeared on my phone, followed by some research facts of benefits to playing the piano (increase emotional health, reduce stress, blood pressure and feelings of pain, keep your mind sharp, increase self esteem, remain happy, healthy and mentally engaged.”

Little did I know when at the age of 9, having asked my parents for piano lessons, I was about to start a life long journey with that musical instrument. In order to prove I was serious and prior to their permitting my grandmother to purchase a piano as a gift, I took lessons from a teacher across the street and practiced at my next door neighbor on their big black baby grand.

Fast forward: 1 - After a year I did have my own piano and took lessons into high school. 2 - After being convinced to take pedagogy classes I began teaching piano in a home studio for several years quite successfully despite the fact that I work very hard at learning new music and found playing in front of people nerve wracking. 3 - I purchased a black 6 foot grand Yamaha piano delegating the original to my studio. 4 - The original piano spent time in two of my sons’ homes and now is played and enjoyed by my grandson in California. 6 - My six foot grand followed me to Florida eleven years ago. 7 - Periodically I’ve taken lessons to reengage with the skills and nuances of playing.

Yes, I’m playing the piano between my myriad of activities, enjoying the benefits listed above and forever grateful to my Nanny who gifted me with my first piano when I was 10 years old.

-Harriet

HOPE FLOATS YOUR BOAT

One of the things I love is checking out boat names as they are very often unique, creative or humorous. While sailing in the BVI’s during Thanksgiving week, my eldest grandson pointed out a boat name (“Hope Floats”) as we were heading to our mooring in Virgin Gorda, saying to me,”You’d like this name Nanny”, and yes it immediately resonated with me as a future blog title. Need I say more?

I HOPE your Thanksgiving was memorable.

I HOPE you have a peaceful and meaningful holiday season whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza or none.

I HOPE the New Year brings you good health and deepening relationships.

I HOPE you keep HOPE in your heart always.

I HOPE, “HOPE FLOATS YOUR BOAT”.

-Harriet

STORYWORTH

How many times have you said, “I wish I had asked my parents (grandparents, aunts, uncles) that before they died”? Historically, many cultures used oral tradition to hand down their history, rituals and values. Now we have books, videos and films to record history. But, what about your story? What will your children and grandchildren remember about your life?

Covid offered me the opportunity to write my second book, specifically for my children and grandchildren. It’s title, TOMORROW PEOPLE, is taken from the Ziggy Marley song written in 1988 seven years after his father, Bob Marley, died, reminding us of the need to know your past in order to move forward.

You’re not a writer you say. Well there’s a format that has been used by millions and it’s called STORYWORTH. Google it!

It may become the source of THANKSGIVING for your future generations.

-Harriet

GOLF and GRIEF

As my friend returned to her golf cart after hitting a less than perfect golf shot she said, ”My brain got in the way.”

Instantly it triggered a parallel to grief. During my years counseling I often heard, “How long will it take?, Why can’t I concentrate?, I’m not sleeping like I used to.” As I needed to validate the normal feelings and reactions and educate as well I would explain that grief is an emotional experience , not an intellectual one. While grief is a blow to the psyche, it manifests in the body.

Much research has been done since I began my career in 1991 and “grief brain” is now a recognized part of grieving with changes in eating, sleeping, concentration and memory being temporary, lasting on the average from six months to a year. Yes the brain gets in the way of grieving.

While the brain is affected after the death of a friend or family member, remember it’s an emotional experience that needs to be embraced and not feared. Acknowledging and embracing the normal feelings of disbelief, sadness, anxiety, fear, remorse and anger is what heals us. We call it grief work. It’s challenging and painful but it’s worth the journey.

-Harriet

LOSS AND LEGACY

“A 14 hour queue? Queen was like a grandmother - so we’ll wait”said a woman in London. People are lined up for over five miles to pay their respects to Queen Elizabeth II after her death. She has been eulogized by heads of state, world wide media and grieved by people all over the world like me and possibly you. Do you remember the outpouring of grief for JFK in 1963, Princess Di in 1997 or Whitney Houston in 2012? It’s called public grief for “we knew them”, perhaps not as a family member, close friend or colleague but they were part of our lives. And it’s normal to grieve their deaths.

According to Dominic Green, a fellow of the Royal Historical Society ”…her measured words and quiet deeds made the queen the most recognizable person in human history.”

We can learn from Queen Elizabeth’s legacy. And from the queen herself in a speech, “We are just passing through. Our purpose here is just to observe, to learn, to love and then we return home.”

“May her memory be for a blessing”

-Harriet

LEGACY OF OPTIMISM

Stu, my friend for nearly 50 years, after years of declining, debilitating health, died peacefully two weeks ago at the age of 93. He was a life long optimist, so much so that his vanity license plate read “OPTIMIST”.

Stu wrote the following poem when he turned 51.

“Here I am at 51 - To me my life has just begun - Strange as I grow younger every year - Of growing old I have no fear - I’m just a kid in every way - Life is but a bowl of joy - Let me just remain an overgrown boy”

And then two years ago he wrote….

“Here I am at 91 - I know I am still lots of fun - Some of the years have been rather rough - But I go forward determined and tough - My neck has been broken - My heart has been fixed - My memory betrays me - And I’m somewhat famished (confused) - Loss of family and dear friends - Has been so very painful - For special ones who do remain - I am so extremely grateful - The gift of my life - Are my wife, kids and grands - My love and my pride - For them never ends - May you my dear Lo - Remain at my side - For you are my love - My eternal bride - If lucky I’ll be here at least 30 more - An optimist I remain forever more - Yes my life continues with so much joy - And still I remain an overgrown boy”

Stu left his family and friends a loving legacy.

What will be your legacy?

-Harriet

PLAN PLAN PLAN

All through life we PLAN. We plan for vacations. We plan for the birth of a child. We plan for life cycle events such as birthdays, anniversaries and graduations. We plan for buying a home. We plan for buying a car.

Have you planned for your death? You do realize that’s the only certainty in life!

Here are a few ideas to consider.

1 - Funeral homes have preplanning and prepaid options for funerals, memorials and burials.

2 - “FIVE WISHES” is a user firendly legal document which allows you many choices and options that you might never have thought of for the end of your life, be it personal, spiritual, medical or legal. You can purchase it for $5 or download a copy free of charge.

3 - ETHICAL WILLS Hopefully you have completed your heath care proxy and legal will. While ethical wills have been part of Jewish tradition since biblical times, it is now widely favored by people who want to pass on expressions of love and gratitude as well as ethical and spiritual values. Simply write that letter with instructions that it be opened after your death.

Time is now to PLAN for your death.

-Harriet

DREAMS and HOPES

We’ve all had dreams and hopes throughout our lives. For example, “I hope Mommy and Daddy gets me that toy.” “I hope I pass the test.” “My dream is to go to __?__University.” “I’ve been dreaming of traveling to __.”

My personal dream started at my 75th birthday and it was to take my entire family to Israel to celebrate my 80th birthday. Even though the plan was set, dates were cleared, reservations made with the tour company and airplane tickets purchased COVID crushed that dream. However I still had the hope that maybe “next year in Jerusalem”.

It didn’t happen in 2021 but I’m here sitting by the pool of the King David Citadel Hotel writing my June blog on our last day.

My head is filled with unforgettable memories. My phone is filled with hundreds of photos and videos. My heart is filled with love, joy and gratitude.

Love for my family. Joy for all our experiences. Gratitude for my health and a fulfilled dream.

The modern state of Israel came to fruition in 1948 based on the dreams and hopes of Jewish people who were scattered all over the Diaspora for thousands of years. The Israeli national anthem, “Hatikvah” means the hope.

My hope is for you too to fulfill a personal dream.

-Harriet

ALZHEIMER'S AGONY

Much literature about Alzheimer’s Disease is about the caregivers. Fortunately, there is much help and support for the family and friends who are consumed with this diagnosis of their loved one.

However, while caring daily for her husband of many years, my friend wrote this poem from the perspective of the patient.

“Side by Side” by Fran Seslow

Thank you for caring for me in so many ways. With gratitude, I come forth to share this with you today.

Your kindness is like my favorite song, Helping me to keep going on.

I bless the courage that you have shown, And the love that we have known.

When I seem far away, Will you come sit by my side? Even in our silence, We can still feel our ties.

Thank you for the patience I see in your eyes, When the best of me may step aside.

If sadness should follow you down the road, Remember these words you might not have heard.

I appreciate all that you are. All that you have given, And all that you have forgiven.

Thank you for being the sunshine in my heart, The strength in my step. And my angel of true depth.

They say destiny rarely makes a mistake. God joins people together for their own sake, Walking the journey they were supposed to take. (copyright 2021)

-Harriet

WEEKEND WONDER

This weekend marks an intersection of three major religions - Judaism - Christianity - Islam. For the first time in 30 years each has a major holiday occurring this weekend, even though each religion uses different calendars to establish holiday dates.

Friday night began the weeklong holiday of Passover with families and friends gathered around tables experiencing the Seder, recalling the Exodus from Egyptian slavery.

Today, Christians around the world celebrate the resurrection of Jesus after his crucifixion three days earlier. (Eastern Christians will celebrate next Sunday)

While these two holidays often occur close, the holy month of Ramadan is based on an uncorrected lunar calendar and rarely coincides with Easter and Passover.

Regardless of your religious affiliation or none, the season of Spring is a time for rebirth and renewal and with that the ever important hope for peace, security and justice for all people.

-Harriet

WOMEN-LADIES-GALS-FEMALES

March is an entire month dedicated to Women’s History Month.

Over 100 years ago March 8 was officially recognized as a day to raise voices against discrimination and bias against women in America and Europe. Today we can celebrate the achievements of women these past 100 years globally as well work towards advancing gender equality going forward.

Malala Yousafzai said, “We realize the importance of our voices when we are silenced.”

I encourage you to speak up and act in small significant ways. You and I can make a difference in healing the world.

-Harriet

LOTS of LOVE LANGUAGES

What can I write about love? “ Let me count the ways”.

1 - We all know that February 14 is the Hallmark holiday of love, its origins having been a pagan or Roman fertility ritual/feast later honored by the Catholic Church as a celebration of Saint Valentine. Chaucer and Shakespeare are credited with romanticizing the day. Be aware that there’s a shortage of Valentine chocolate as reported in the February 4th edition of the Wall Street Journal.

2 - February is American Heart Month, hoping to raise awareness of the actions we can take to prevent heart disease, the leading cause of death in the US.

3 - Love is all around us, particularly since pop artist Robert Indiana created an image of the letters L O V E to be used for a Museum of Modern Art Christmas card in 1965. That image found its place on a US stamp and was copied in different ways, most spectacularly being the oversize sculptures located in different cities around the world, including one using the four Hebrew letters that spell love, Ahava, at the Israel Museum in Jerusalem.

4 - Have you heard of the Five Love Languages? The concept, created by Dr. Gary Chapman, a well established marriage counselor, describes five general ways partners express and experience love. It’s worth reading his book or googling the phrase to help enhance your relationships.

5 - Lastly, after being together one evening, my friend shared that the time together “inspired” her to choose 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:1 for her church reading the next day. While there are many versions the following resonated with me. “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not brag…Love never ends, love never fails…After everything there is only faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.”

I wish you meaningful and loving days all year long.

-Harriet

PICKLE BALL PREDICAMENT

The first time I heard about pickle ball was when an older tennis friend told me she and her husband were playing at a local park because she could no longer cover the tennis court. The first time I encountered the game being played was watching my son and daughter in law playing in their community on a newly lined court on an existing hard surface tennis court. It appeared to be fun but the scoring seemed impossible to comprehend. They suggested i take a paddle, stand close to the net but not in the “kitchen” and give it a test. With my right wrist still encased in a cast after surgery for a broken wrist ( bicycle accident), I attempted to return the wiffle ball. Whiff, try again, whiff again. Not only did I laugh a lot but realized my tennis and ping pong skills did not predict an easy adjustment to hitting the yellow wiffle ball.

In anticipation of the construction of 8 new courts in our community. three tennis friends and I drove down to a local park to “play” pickleball after watching a single Youtube video in the Spring of 2021. We probably had more laughs than successful returns over the net but we did have fun and repeated it a couple more times, even hiring an instructor for one of our dates. More experienced players at the park actually invited us to join their group to play but we graciously declined.

Fast forward: Construction began on our pickle balls courts with lots of anticipation for a new activity.

Fast forward: I started to hear of many accidents occurring while playing this popular sport. I came to the conclusion that after two broken wrists (the first while playing ping pong) I probably would be better off returning the borrowed paddles and balls to my children and that’s what I did. Why take a chance of injuring myself and then not being able to play tennis, golf, kayak or play my piano?

Fast forward: The pickle ball courts are completed and free instruction is being offered. I borrow back the paddles and balls and sign up for “Pickle Ball 101”.

Having had two sessions with instructors and newbies I‘m hooked to continue learning to play this popular game for all the reasons pickle ball is the fastest growing sport in the US. It’s easy to learn, fun for all ages and is a social and inclusive activity.

Life is a challenge - Challenges are not obstacles - but opportunities to show us strength and courage to overcome our fears…………

-Harriet

NEW IN '22 *

As a grief counselor a major task is to validate my client’s feelings and help them recognize the universality of grief and the importance to have the courage to travel the journey in order to heal. And there’s been a lot for which to be grieving in today’s world. It’s common knowledge that living through 2020 and 2021 has impacted adults, teens and children with prolonged stress, anxiety and depression. AND that is normal, living with so many changes and fear.

Another responsibility i have had has been to educate my clients. While we have no control over the feelings we experience or the future we can control 4 things.

1- WORDS 2- ACTION 3- BELIEFS 4- ATTITUDE

And here are 10 things you can do when stressed.

1 - Walk in nature 2 - Read a book 3 - Journal 4 - Meditate 5 - Call a friend 6 - Clean a closet 7 - Soak in a warm tub/shower 8 - Listen or play music 9 - Have a hot cup of tea 10 - Paint, draw or color

What will you do new in ‘22?

-Harriet

*Title shared by Beth Warner

GIANT GRACEFUL GIRAFFES

I’m not sure when I first realized that the giraffe is my favorite animal. Was it as a child thumbing through a picture book of animals or when taking my three young sons to explore the Bronx Zoo? Was it at one of my many visits to zoos in the various cities and countries I’ve had the privilege of visiting, always seeking out “the serene grace and ethereal beauty” of these stately animals? Or was it on my first safari in Kenya in 1985 when “out of nowhere” a giant giraffe appeared on the dusty road ahead?

The souvenir we chose from that amazing trip was a signed, beautifully hand carved 6 ft wooden sculpture of a reticulated giraffe. It has had an interesting life having first traveled by ship to NY and then trucked to Florida 10 years ago where he proudly resides in my current home.

Knowing my love of giraffes, my granddaughter gifted me with her hand painted portrait of a giraffe’s face, its sweet soul evident through its eyes.

Recently I watched a movie called “Giraffada”, recalling a true story of a male giraffe killed in an air raid in the Middle East and the subsequent solution by a father and son to bring a new partner for the surviving female.

If you like giraffes as much as I do i recommend this educational and touching movie. In addition, i encourage you to read the novel, WEST WITH GIRAFFES, also based on true events of two giraffes who after having survived the 1938 hurricane at sea were successfully transported across the US to the San Diego Zoo. In addition, the author successfully explores the evolving relationship between a teen and the giraffes.

The author, Lynda Rutledge, writes on page 79, “ Animals are complete all on their own living by voices we don’t get to hear, having a knowledge far beyond our paltry ken and giraffes, they seem to know something more.”

I’m thankful for giraffes.

-Harriet

IT'S NO JOKE!

“If there is one regret Ihave about my marriage, it’s how little I laughed. So much to laugh about in life, and yet I deprived myself. Why?… Because what really is there to laugh about? Only now, as I lie on this dying-bed, do I realize it, life is funny. People fighting over a piece of land that none of them can take along when death comes. How is that not funny? Everyone wants something to make them happy, only to realize that, they want something else to make them happy-how is that not funny?” (Fortunately, these are not my words) Rather they are a reflection by Yaya in the book HOW BEAUTIFUL WE WERE written by Imbolo Mbue.

Norman Cousins, author, professor, political journalist and world peace advocate did research on the biochemistry of the interconnection between emotions and attitude and health. He applied his belief to his own healing after being diagnosed with a serious illness. One of his memorable quotes is, “Laughter is a form of jogging. It moves your internal organs around. It enhances respiration. It is an ignitor of great expectations.”

Google all the scientific aspects of laughter, the many quotes about laughter, and the bountiful book titles about jokes and laughter. While you’re at it YouTube a funny video or do something silly so you can laugh by yourself.

My friend Holly asks her two young grandsons a joke every morning as she drives them to school. Her source is THE BIG BOOK OF SILLY JOKES FOR KIDS. And i love the silliness of learning some of the answers.

Get started to increase your daily dose of laughter. It’s important for your health. ITS NO JOKE!!!!!!

"MY 'ALIVE DAY' "

September 11, 2021 marked 20 years since the horrific attacks on US soil of the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, symbols of our financial and military strength. As you know the day was commemorated with news stories, documentaries, interviews and ceremonies, triggering our memories and latent grief reactions.

9 years and 8 days after 9/11 Congressman Brian Mast, then an Army Ranger, stepped on an IED (improvised explosive device) in Afghanistan causing the loss of both lower legs and injury to his left arm. He acknowledges that day every year as his ALIVE DAY, reflecting on the lessons he has learned.

I quote, “First there are only two real disabilities in this life: a lack of courage and a lack of determination. If you have courage too be bold, to be daring and try something new, and you pair it with the determination, drive and fortitude to do everything that you can to accomplish your goal, nothing can get in your way. Even if you lose two legs and a finger, you can wake up and make today better than yesterday.

Second, you cannot let your best be behind you. Waking up in Walter Reed Hospital next to men and women who had injuries like mine, or worse, I saw that strength firsthand… Inspired by their example, I decided that my best service to this country was not going to be behind me.

Finally, if you spend your life serving something bigger than yourself, you will leave this world with no regrets…”

Make every day YOUR ALIVE DAY!

-harriet